According to the Washington Post, rookie pitcher Stephen Strasburg will undergo Tommy John surgery Friday. The operation will be performed by Dr. Lewis Yocum with Nationals team doctor Wiemi Douoguih assisting. The top pick in the 2009 amateur draft has gone through two  arthrograms, both revealing a significant tear in the ulnar collateral ligament. Following the surgery, Strasburg will rehab at the Scripps Clinic outside San Diego and is scheduled to be able to throw again in four months.

The Rangers have acquired outfielder Jeff Francoeur from the Mets in exchange for Joaquin Arias. The Rangers had designated Arias for assignment in order to promote infielder Alex Cora. According to MLB Trade Rumors, approximately $897,000 is left on Francoeur’s contract, with the Mets picking up the majority of the money. The 26-year-old right-handed hitter was batting .236 for New York.

According to MLB.com, the Rangers are still interested in acquiring Red Sox first baseman Mike Lowell. Texas has been searching for a right-handed bat, with Lowell and Jeff Francoeur both reportedly emerging as possible targets for the American League West leaders.

You know that guy in your fantasy football league who is always bragging, complaining or suggesting rule changes that only benefit him? Well, he pisses me off, too. This time of year, we remember what it is about some players in our keeper leagues that made us want to treat him like Dewie the Bear treated Jackie Moon in “Semi-Pro”. There are the players you want to beat, and then there are the players you want to beat down. We all know the types. And I’m sure you’re (at least) one of them, because I know I am. Which one(s) are you?

THE PLAYERS YOU WANT TO BEAT

The Patriot: This guy wakes up and recites the “Pledge of Allegiance” to the United States of New England every morning like he was in elementary school. He won’t draft anybody from the Colts even if Peyton Manning’s available in the third round, and every fall he drafts Jamal Lewis too high because Lewis won him the league in 2003. Chances are he’s overweight, he has the team logo tattooed somewhere you never want to see and his wife is a little concerned about how much he loves Tom Brady.

The Stranger: Like Sam Elliott in “The Big Lebowski”, this guy doles out sage advice over a beer at the local watering hole. He takes the league seriously but not seriously enough that he won’t flat out tell The Patriot, “Dude, you’ve gotta drop Jamal Lewis. He hasn’t been that good in five years.” He’ll tell you to pick up a sleeper like Donald Brown instead. He’s likely got a wife and two kids at home, and fantasy football is his oasis in a desert of soggy diapers.

The Gambler: This guy’s in at least 10 fantasy leagues. He’s in a pick ‘em pool. He’s buying squares left and right. He’s got $100 on Brandon Tate catching more than 1.5 passes. He says insane stuff like, “If they can intercept this 2-point conversion, take it to the house, recover an on-sides kick, score a quick touchdown and miss the extra point, I’m buying lunch.” He’s fired up because Marion Barber rushed for a TD, but pissed because he scored on the Giants’ defense. Neurotic as hell, he’s a heavy smoker (but they’re definitely not victory cigars).

Muhammad Ali: The ultimate smack-talker. His team name is Mike Vick’s Dogg Pound or something unfit for print. If your quarterback tears every ligament in his body, you’ll wake up to an e-mail from this guy with the YouTube footage of the player’s limbs snapping like an ‘80s bracelet. When he’s got you beat, he’ll text you one word: “Next.” He’ll send a league-wide update: “Did anybody notice that my great grandmother scored more points last week than all of Sam Elliott’s wide receivers combined? She’s only been dead since 1929; Sam, on the other hand, died Sunday, when I destroyed him.” He’s a 5-foot-4, 145-pound cyber-bully.

The Commish: He actually looks like Michael Chiklis from the TV show. He wears a Brett Favre jersey, only it says “The Commish” on the back for one simple reason: Every spring, he claims he’s never going to run the league again, only he comes back every fall. And he thinks that’s hilarious. He organizes the draft party, where his wife makes a mean 47-layer dip and he devours two large pizzas before the third round. He always makes the right rulings on trades, he never lets arguments get too out of control and he spends the entire offseason thinking of new wrinkles for the coming year. Oh, and he’s never won the league.

THE PLAYERS YOU WANT TO BEAT DOWN

The Whiner: Everybody’s got excuses, but this dude has all of them. Always in last place, he constantly explains why he’s not in first. “If Tom Brady didn’t go down with a knee injury, if Terrell Owens had caught a couple more of those dropped passes, if the Giants gave the ball to Ahmad Bradshaw on the goal line more often and if Garrett Hartley hadn’t used Adderall, I’d be winning this league right now.” He’s got more hair on his shoulders than his Costanza-like forehead.

No-Show Moreno: The guy who never checks his team after Week 1. Yet, he shows up for the draft party every year, gets loaded and promises he’ll actually try to win the league this season. Then he disappears. Somehow, he’s gotten the No. 1 pick four of the last five seasons, but Chris Johnson is sitting on his bench all winter. It’s not like this guy is working 90-hour weeks; he’s a day trader who works from home and sits on his laptop all day. It makes no sense. And when everybody calls on Sunday, reminding him to set his lineup, he won’t pick up the phone. Four hours later, he’ll mass text everyone: “Sorry, was enjoying a nice little Sunday with my girl!”

Pooper Scooper: He picks up all the crap that everybody else drops and somehow wins the league with a chain of impossibly lucky events in the playoffs. You drop Visanthe Shiancoe in Week 5, Pooper Scooper swoops in, and good ole Shiancoe ends up with 566 receiving yards and 11 touchdowns. You give up on Ricky Williams after two weeks, Pooper Scooper cleans up the mess, and Ricky rips off 1,121 yards and 11 scores like one of his bong hits. Two years ago, he started Matt Cassel in Weeks 15 and 16 and by some miracle got 563 yards and seven TDs out of the deal. Much like a silent-but-deadly, he quietly makes a big impact.

Mark Cuban: His trade offers are so lopsided in his favor, it’s not even funny. How about his kicker for Aaron Rodgers? Or his defense for Maurice Jones-Drew? You tell your buddies in the league, and they all say the same thing: “He does that to me, too. All. The. Time.” He offers you six guys for Drew Brees, and not one of those players is a quarterback. When you ask him where the hell you’re supposed to put all of them on your roster, he says, “Just drop a couple.” Oh, so Pooper Scooper can snag them? And Cuban pulls this move as well: He’ll pick up the Adrian Peterson that played for the Bears and offer him up for Randy Moss, hoping you won’t notice. This is the same guy that punches you in the arm as hard as he can every time he sees you.

Martha Stewart: He’s getting insider information from every website known to man, and he’s paying for it. Literally. At the draft, his printouts nearly destroyed the Amazon Rainforest. He takes the maximum allotted time to make each pick, crosschecking the entire Web. When he drafts Ryan Mathews in the second round, everybody says, “Who the heck is Ryan Mathews?” Martha’s response: “Oh, you’ve never heard of Ryan?” Yup, they’re on a first-name basis, and Ryan turns out to be a top-10 running back. The week you’re facing Martha, he’ll pick up somebody like Tim Hightower, who will without a doubt total 200-plus yards and four touchdowns. The worst part? Afterwards, he’ll post, “Too bad you didn’t pick up Hightower this week.” He defines douchiness.

This year, when you’re getting together with your buddies for your annual draft party, know your enemies. It’s half the battle. In fact, it just might help prevent a Web war from turning into a “Peter Griffin vs. The Chicken”-type brawl in your real life. Good luck. Sincerely, Pooper Scooper.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Morning Mashup. For the latest news, start at our WEEI.com home page or click here for the top stories from our news wire.

WHAT’S HAPPENING TODAY:
Red Sox at Orioles, 7:05 p.m. (NESN, WEEI)

AROUND THE WEB:

♦ Roger Clemens appeared at his arraignment Monday afternoon in Washington and then went to play golf in South Carolina. The New York Daily News has the recap of Clemens’ quick round of 18 in Myrtle Beach. For the record, he finished with an 84 just after 7:30 p.m. to avoid disqualification in the World Amateur Handicap Championship. Meanwhile, his not guilty plea is more evidence that Clemens is a Hall of Fame liar, writes Terence Moore at AOL FanHouse.

♦ The Frank and Jamie McCourt divorce trial began in Los Angeles, and T.J. Simers of The Los Angeles Times has his version of what happened in the courtroom as the two sides fight over ownership of the Dodgers.

♦ Las Vegas investigators are looking into MGM Resorts International after Michael Jordan‘s 19-year-old son, who plays collegiately at Central Florida, tweeted earlier this month about partying and gambling away thousands of dollars at one the company’s casinos.

♦ Sunday’s crash that killed 13-year-old motorcycle racer Peter Lenz at Indianapolis Motor Speedway has led to criticism of Lenz’ parents for letting him participate in such a dangerous sport. John Canzano at The Oregonian is one such critic who insists Lenz’ death could have been avoided with better parental supervision.

ON THIS DAY TRIVIA: On Aug. 31, 1946, which Red Sox player recorded two hits to set a team record with 53 hits in one month?

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “I want him to feel comfortable here. I want him to like it here. I want him to have fun and I want him to be Manny.” — White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on the team’s acquisition of Manny Ramirez

STAT OF THE DAY: $1 million — Amount of the insurance policy on the hair of Steelers safety Troy Polamalu, whose flowing locks are a tribute to his Samoan heritage

‘NET RESULTS: Soccer player loses his shorts on tackle.

Another soccer goalie surrenders an absurdly long goal, victim of a high bounce.

Golf-basketball combo trick shot.

TRIVIA ANSWER: Johnny Pesky

SOOTHING SOUNDS: Van Morrison is 65 today.

According to TMZ.com, the White Sox have asked the Dodgers about securing the stock of Manny Ramirez dreadlocked wigs they had left over from the slugger’s days in Los Angeles. While Ramirez will be joining the White Sox Tuesday, there has been no word yet if the transaction for the wigs have been finalized.

O.J. Simpson‘s oldest daughter, Arnelle Simpson, reportedly faces a lawsuit in Miami accusing her of money laundering in her attempt to hide money paid to her father in his 2006 book deal. And according to a story in the Chicago Sun-Times (scroll down to the second item), the 41-year-old Arnelle also is on the defensive against half-sister Sydney Simpson for allegedly spending the hidden money that had been designated for all the former NFL star’s children.

O.J. Simpson, who is serving a prison sentence of 19 to 33 years in Nevada for armed robbery and kidnapping, allegedly set up a Florida corporation to collect approximately $780,000 paid to him as an advance for his book “If I Did It.” According to the National Enquirer, the company was equally owned by Simpson’s four children, with Arnelle serving as president and director. Those maneuverings were designed to keep the money from the families of the late Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. Simpson lost a wrongful death civil trial in 1997 and was ordered to pay $33.5 million to the families, the large majority of which has not been paid.

According to the Sun-Times report, a source close to Sydney Simpson said the 25-year-old former Boston University undergrad ”is furious that Arnelle has gone through most of that money all by herself.”

According to a report in The Arizona Republic, unrestricted free agent Lee Stempniak signed a two-year deal with the Coyotes worth $1.75 million per season. The 27-year-old right winger was traded from the Maple Leafs to the Coyotes at the trade deadline last season and recorded 14 goals and four assists in 18 regular-season games. He had two assists in seven playoff games. Prior to the trade, Stempniak had just 14 goals and 16 assists in 62 games with Toronto.

Wide receiver Laveranues Coles was released by the Jets on Sunday, a month after being signed as a free agent, but coach Rex Ryan said it’s “a real possibility” the team could re-sign the veteran after the first week of the season. Coles, 32, had four catches for 19 yards in three preseason games.

Welcome to Monday’s Morning Mashup. For the latest news, start at our WEEI.com home page or click here for the top stories from our news wire.

WHAT’S HAPPENING TODAY:
No local games scheduled

AROUND THE WEB:

♦ Roger Clemens will plead not guilty to federal perjury charges Monday in Washington, D.C., and then the former pitcher will fly to South Carolina to play golf, according to the New York Daily News. The Golf.com World Amateur Handicap Championship in Myrtle Beach, S.C., starts a few hours before Clemens’ 2 p.m. arraignment, but Clemens plans to take a private plane to the event so he and his wife can participate in the opening round.

♦ Manny Ramirez ended his tenure with the Dodgers by getting thrown out of Sunday’s game after one pitch for arguing with the home plate umpire. At Yahoo! Sports, Jeff Passan writes that the White Sox are getting a handful in Ramirez, and he recounts some of Manny’s acrimonious breakups. In the Chicago Tribune, Phil Rogers writes that the “Hail Manny” play is worth the risk for the desperate White Sox. In The Los Angeles Times, Steve Dilbeck bids farewell to Manny and his muddled legacy.

♦ The NFL’s plan to add two more games to the regular-season schedule despite recent studies detailing issues with concussions, brain trauma and other injuries shows there is no limit to owners’ greed and hypocrisy, writes Phil Sheridan in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

♦ Pete Thamel in The New York Times has a feature on 19-year-old Spanish guard Ricky Rubio, who said he plans to take his game to the NBA (the Timberwolves own his rights) in 2011.

♦ Johnette Howard of ESPN.com takes John McEnroe to task for his recent comments about women not being able to handle the strain of the WTA schedule.

♦ Pakistan has been rocked by a “spot-fixing” scandal in cricket involving three key players.

ON THIS DAY TRIVIA: On Aug. 30, 1984, which Red Sox player broke Jackie Jensen’s single-season team record for grounding into double plays with his 33rd of the season (he would finish with 36)?

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “I mean, what are we five or six behind? We’ve got a lot more games than that. I’m not a math whiz, but I think it’s doable.” — Red Sox pitcher John Lackey, after Sunday’s loss to the Rays

STAT OF THE DAY: 599 — Career saves for Brewers closer Trevor Hoffman, who on Sunday closed to within one save of being the first reliever with 600

‘NET RESULTS: Minor league manager Gary Robinson of the State College Spikes gets his money worth after being ejected, taking first base, signing it and giving it to a fan.

This is Frenchman Nicolas Batum, and this is an example of why the Trail Blazers feel he can take the minutes of Rudy Fernandez.

One bad play in a football game, and it’s immortalized forever on the web.

TRIVIA ANSWER: Jim Rice

SOOTHING SOUNDS: On this date in 1965, Bob Dylan released his groundbreaking album “Highway 61 Revisited.”