Since taking over for Paul Tagliabue just over three years ago, NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell has been a man on a mission. With the suspensions of Adam Jones, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, and Michael Vick, to name a few, Goodell has shown that there is more to the job than inserting vocalized pauses into the announcements of draft selections.

[Quick rant: If I hear "With the, ah, 10th pick" again my head is going to explode. Is it a difficult script? "Amobi Okoye" is easy to say, but not "the 10th?" I digress...]

Goodell’s no-nonsense approach has given the league a muscle at the top that it never had with Tagliabue. There will be no shenanigans from anyone or anything that is connected to the NFL, at least not on his watch.

This is why I believe that Goodell is simply unaware of the state of his league’s merchandising.

In the very week that yet another type of Brett Favre jersey is being mass-produced for all fans comfortable enough with themselves to wear purple, the new Vikings jersey isn’t even the most noteworthy item for sale. The last time I saw a Michael Vick jersey prior to last week, a dog was going old-school bananas on it.

Now, not only are the Eagles selling Vick jerseys for people, but any fan deranged enough to want one is just a few clicks away from spending $39.99 on this: 

The Daily News first hit on this, and if there is anyone out there with 40 bucks to burn, nothing is stopping them from dressing a potential Vicktim in sickening style. This is the height of offensive gestures, and the league is willing to make a profit from it.

While the Vick dog jersey should evoke nothing but pure disgust, there is certainly plenty of NFL merchandise out there that should leave you laughing. Where to begin? Let’s start wit the Kansas City Chiefs rally monkey.

It all makes sense now. Of course the rally monkey is a Chiefs thing! Thank God for the internet, because I had to do some searching to disprove this insane idea I had that it was an Angels thing back in 2002. Now I see correctly. The rally monkey is, in fact, a Chiefs thing. Just like Scott Spezio is their starting third baseman.

If you just dropped $20 on that hideous doll and still feel the urge to spend, you’re in luck. Nobody knows what time it is more than the immortal Byron Leftwich, so grab your credit card and spend $36.99 on a Wincraft Jacksonville Jaguars Byron Leftwich clock!

$36.99. Really? Sure, there is leftover junk out there that teams and stores are trying to unload (I believe the Dolphins are selling autographed pictures of their cheerleaders for less than two bucks apiece), but even Flavor Flav himself couldn’t justify spending that kind of money on the merchandise of a man who is now on his third team since the Jaguars.

I have done some extensive research in preparing this presentation of overpriced crap with the NFL seal on it, but this next one might take the cake. You know those fake leather helmets that teams sell? I’m not making fun of those–they’re cool if you’re a football historian, so the throwback feel at least can win you some style points. However, the Redskins have put a twist on them that make Crocs look like Doc Martins.

Presenting the Redskins football head. They’ve taken the old-school helmet, added laces and made them look like they were a prop from the set of Coneheads.

How do you even begin to fathom the thought that somebody actually had the idea of this hat, brought it to their boss, and was told that it was a good idea? Has anyone bought one of these things? Does this make somebody look like they know about the game or give off the impression that they’re a die-hard? If even one of these has been sold, it does nothing but suggest that fans are under the impression that supporting their team means looking like a complete moron.

There are plenty more ridiculous items being sold by the league: from Steelers hand-sanitizer to Bengals Christmas stockings to Raiders jerseys (it’s true, they sell them), there is enough horrible merchandise out there to drive a man crazy.

The NFL works each and every day to paint a picture of the ideal professional sports league. Clearly, they’ve missed a spot.

Music has a way of finding its way into sports. Whether it’s the techno that’s played following a goal in the NHL, the chorus of “ole, ole, ole, ole”  sung by passionate soccer (or Canadiens) fans, or the crazy guy with the kazoo at Fenway, sport and song go hand-in-hand. The song for today? I’m thinking Vince Gill’s “One More Last Chance.”

With Michael Vick set to return to the field for the first time since 2006– and everyone talking about it– it’s the only logical choice.

Vick has paid his price, but are fans ready to let it go?

After dogfighting charges in 2007 landed him behind bars and in home confinement for 23 months, Vick has signed a $1.6 million deal with the Eagles that at the very least will bring plenty of attention to Lincoln Financial Field. Tony Dungy says he’s a changed person, but is he really? More importantly, does it matter?

Earlier this morning, Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid sat at a podium with Vick and Dungy as the two legendary coaches discussed the reform that the scrambling quarterback has faced. As Dungy says that Vick wants to “be a role model for young kids,” how can one not shake their head? I’m not talking about writing off Vick’s quest to be a better person– everyone deserves a second chance, regardless of how many dogs they’ve neglected/killed– but is signing an NFL contract about being a good person?

This isn’t to say that the NFL is a league of criminals. Roger Goodell– love him or hate him– has done a fantastic job of flexing the league’s muscle on those who take advantage of their celebrity, but isn’t the game about what you do on the field? Philadelphia must have thought so if they were willing to take on the media storm that surrounds the acquisition.

Apparently the Eagles weren’t the only team that were interested in bringing in the ’01 top pick. The Bengals (shocker) were also willing to turn a blind eye to his criminal past and give Vick the second chance he had been looking for.

After losing out on Vick, the Bengals have turned their attention to fictional nemeses of Jack Bauer

How have these things worked out in the past? The Cowboys famously brought in Adam “Pac Man” Jones via trade in April of ’08 and were burned when it turned out that he had more of a rap sheet than was initially thought. End result? Snip, snip. Last season, the Cowboys also took  chance on defensive tackle Tank Johnson, of DUI/weapons/you-name-it fame. Johnson has since signed with the Bengals, a safe-haven for NFL wrong-doers. Now for a run-down on Cincinnati’s history with law-breaking players.

The Benga– ah, forget it. I’m pretty sure they’re in contact with the creators of 24 to find the guy who played Habib Marwan just so they can be that more dangerous. 

In his introductory press conference, Vick said that prison helped him reach a turning point in his ways. Whether you want to believe that or not, it’s hell of a lot better than when Vick spoke in ’07 about the sacrifices he was prepared to make regarding the company he keeps.

“If I’ve got to be fishing or playing golf every day to keep myself away from everybody else, that’s what I’m gonna be doing,” Vick said.

Poor guy. At the very least Vick is displaying what could at least be interpreted as remorse.

It would be naive to think that nobody– whether it be PETA, angry Falcons fans, etc.– will criticize this move. However, now that Vick’s in Philadelphia, he has the support of at least 52 people. As far as Atlanta goes, those who invested money on No. 7 jerseys are licking their chops as they wait for Dec. 6.

What will the future hold for Vick? Will he make contributions as a receiver/back? Will the Eagles exercise pick up his option for a second season? Will he end up falling into old patterns and be the next Adam Jones? The questions are flying, and Vick has given the most important answer.

“You only get one shot at a second chance.”

So let’s operate under the assumption that Vick is just a football player. The man has paid his price, filed for bankruptcy, and wants to start anew. He may not be able to be a quarterback, but let’s at least give him the opportunity to be a professional.