Since taking over for Paul Tagliabue just over three years ago, NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell has been a man on a mission. With the suspensions of Adam Jones, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, and Michael Vick, to name a few, Goodell has shown that there is more to the job than inserting vocalized pauses into the announcements of draft selections.

[Quick rant: If I hear "With the, ah, 10th pick" again my head is going to explode. Is it a difficult script? "Amobi Okoye" is easy to say, but not "the 10th?" I digress...]

Goodell’s no-nonsense approach has given the league a muscle at the top that it never had with Tagliabue. There will be no shenanigans from anyone or anything that is connected to the NFL, at least not on his watch.

This is why I believe that Goodell is simply unaware of the state of his league’s merchandising.

In the very week that yet another type of Brett Favre jersey is being mass-produced for all fans comfortable enough with themselves to wear purple, the new Vikings jersey isn’t even the most noteworthy item for sale. The last time I saw a Michael Vick jersey prior to last week, a dog was going old-school bananas on it.

Now, not only are the Eagles selling Vick jerseys for people, but any fan deranged enough to want one is just a few clicks away from spending $39.99 on this: 

The Daily News first hit on this, and if there is anyone out there with 40 bucks to burn, nothing is stopping them from dressing a potential Vicktim in sickening style. This is the height of offensive gestures, and the league is willing to make a profit from it.

While the Vick dog jersey should evoke nothing but pure disgust, there is certainly plenty of NFL merchandise out there that should leave you laughing. Where to begin? Let’s start wit the Kansas City Chiefs rally monkey.

It all makes sense now. Of course the rally monkey is a Chiefs thing! Thank God for the internet, because I had to do some searching to disprove this insane idea I had that it was an Angels thing back in 2002. Now I see correctly. The rally monkey is, in fact, a Chiefs thing. Just like Scott Spezio is their starting third baseman.

If you just dropped $20 on that hideous doll and still feel the urge to spend, you’re in luck. Nobody knows what time it is more than the immortal Byron Leftwich, so grab your credit card and spend $36.99 on a Wincraft Jacksonville Jaguars Byron Leftwich clock!

$36.99. Really? Sure, there is leftover junk out there that teams and stores are trying to unload (I believe the Dolphins are selling autographed pictures of their cheerleaders for less than two bucks apiece), but even Flavor Flav himself couldn’t justify spending that kind of money on the merchandise of a man who is now on his third team since the Jaguars.

I have done some extensive research in preparing this presentation of overpriced crap with the NFL seal on it, but this next one might take the cake. You know those fake leather helmets that teams sell? I’m not making fun of those–they’re cool if you’re a football historian, so the throwback feel at least can win you some style points. However, the Redskins have put a twist on them that make Crocs look like Doc Martins.

Presenting the Redskins football head. They’ve taken the old-school helmet, added laces and made them look like they were a prop from the set of Coneheads.

How do you even begin to fathom the thought that somebody actually had the idea of this hat, brought it to their boss, and was told that it was a good idea? Has anyone bought one of these things? Does this make somebody look like they know about the game or give off the impression that they’re a die-hard? If even one of these has been sold, it does nothing but suggest that fans are under the impression that supporting their team means looking like a complete moron.

There are plenty more ridiculous items being sold by the league: from Steelers hand-sanitizer to Bengals Christmas stockings to Raiders jerseys (it’s true, they sell them), there is enough horrible merchandise out there to drive a man crazy.

The NFL works each and every day to paint a picture of the ideal professional sports league. Clearly, they’ve missed a spot.